Self Register Etiquette

Listen here. Pay attention. If you have more than 10 items, and you go to the self register booths in grocery stores, you are an asshole.

Time for some reflection you overburdened jerks. That lane was meant for people who just need to get in and get out. If I have a hot, delicious, Raleys sando ready to rock, and it gets cold because you bought 300 dollars worth of things, and rolled into my self checkout lane…hell to pay. I WILL LITERALLY, stare daggers into the back of your head as you walk out of the store none the wiser.

I honestly believe that if your purchase is over 10 items, and you can’t figure out how to work the machine, thus requiring employee assistance, you deserve to get deported. Like you could be born in America, trace your lineage back a bazillion generations, and I would lobby for your ass to be heli dropped in Madagascar.

Full disclosure: I’ve been through the self check out lane with more than ten items. I just have a cold sandwich and I wouldn’t wish a designed hot sandwich turned cold on my worst enemy.

Also, I only said Madagascar because it looks lonely on a risk board.

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